I have become wiser and maybe a bit saddened by realising that oldtime conventions and beliefs about the sanctimony of marriage, still has the potential for creating hurt.
Even for events taking place in 1945, 1957, 1958 and 1962.
Due to this I may have made my nephew feel I have invaded his privacy, though unwittingly.
On the other hand sharing ones experiences in a Blog, will have the potential for others to know of those thoughts.
My sister Inger, whom I have learned a great deal about during this christmas season, my Mother Else and probably my dad as well, have bent the thruth to fit their conceptions and inner beliefs, but dont we all ?
Inger has, even after writing with me, when our father died in 1972, denied that our father remarried with my mother Else in 1962, both Else and Fred hid that they were only married after knowing one another for 17 years, my mother particularly giving a wrong impression of Ingers mother Hilda, letting her be the reason my father could not divorce before.
So Else was not fair to Hilda when telling me about her, probably forced things by becoming pregnant with me of course.
Thus I also have an experience of my dead mother being considerably less than perfect.
But god rest her soul, I will allways love her, even now 11 years after she died also at age 81.
Hilda herself was fairly positive, knowing with herself she had had a long number of good years with Frederik. Maybe both women should have been able to realise they actually HAD something in common. Both love for, and a child with the same person.
Frederik, my father, on his side very probably made it possible for Hilda to stay in their common home in Nyboder all the way to 1962.
That she in the process was awarded the state naval pension, was probably very fair, and this may also have been good for Inger.
Musing about dead relatives motives and inner beliefs is difficult.
I have been very happy talking to Inger Agerlin who, as she rightly said, now is the only person who knows the whole story. For this I am very grateful.
I know my father was very happy about Inger, loving her as much as he did me, this is something I could hear and feel, and I believe he has acted as well as he could to atone to Inger and Hilda, giving me and my mother a very good existence, by working very hard for so many years after his actual pensioning.
I am actually very happy that I know that Inger and I shared the same father and the same love for him. He, Frederik on his side, was a loving and caring, and equalminded - very much so for his generation - parent, who had learned to give and share love and kindness, respecting women and men equal.
The way he told about his parents, I know where those fundamental beliefs came from.
Inger has hidden that I existed and never told our father divorced Hilda. Well, if she needed that, so be it. I think we are all a bit stubborn in this family.
On the other hand she MUST have known, having a public service held in Holmens Kirke, would be a message to the family, and by doing so, she has allowed me to learn of my familiy on her side, and on Knuds side.
I have seen pictures of Vike and of Inger, and I have talked to Jens, Knuds son. learning that we all really do share looks, feelings and some personality.
Ever since having my daughter 8 years ago I have looked for my relatives, to know where we fit in the world. I am very happy for knowing that we live and that we have lived as family.
It would have been nice if Inger had been able to break the wall, when she last was in Denmark 6 years ago, then we could have met and my daughter Maria could have known Inger.
But now Maria will indeed know the story, and that counts for something.
I'll leave this, hoping that Vike and I may be able to get to know one another sometime
http://home13.inet.tele.dk/jnyborg/
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